Opinions Needed

So, I kind of write while I’m at work, keeping the gears in my head turning and I came up with close to 700 words of a new idea. The only thing is that it’s completely out of the box to what I’m use to – that being Fantasy and Romance – and this one seems to be heading down the more Paranormal route.

I need opinions on what I wrote. Think you could help? Drop a comment below and let me know what you think!


I take a deep breath and look at everything around me. Softly, the snow falls, placing a gentle, soft, glittery blanket over everything. I hate the snow, but here… it always snows. Everything else is black except for the stars that shine above me, lighting my way.

I pull my coat tighter around me, thankful for the warmth as I place one foot in front of the other. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going.

The world around me spins in chaos as everywhere I look, they lurk. The shadows are following me and I swear I’m not crazy like people think I am. They voices in my head start up again, but I try to suppress them to no avail.

/Follow me,/ they whisper but I head in the opposite direction. They call me names, but I give them no attention. I can’t do it. I tell them I won’t.

/But you must!/ They try and try again, trying to bribe me with wealth, love, and power. Little do they know I’m not interested in any of it.

When silence settles again, I’m thankful. I hear the crunching of the snow beneath my shoes and, for once, I’m thankgul for the noise. I focus on that beyond anything else, hoping it’s enough to block out their rasps.

“Stop,” I whisper to myself as I stop dead in my tracks. I look back behind me and all I see are my footprints, glowing a bright blue. There are no lights around, which is scaring me. This isn’t the first time it’s happened either.

“Stop glowing,” I whisper again, this time taking my hands out of my coat pockets, I have gloves on, but I know what is coming next as I carefully reach up and pull the left one off. My hand has a bright blue glow to it, much like that of my footprints and in the center, I see the symbol – the one I have come to fear. It only shows up when He is nearby and he causes all the problems that everything blames me for – they aren’t my fault, but no one ever believes me.

“There you are,” His voice sends shivers down my spine as I spin around.

“You’re a hard girl to track down.”

“I’m not a girl!” I shout as I take a step back, but He takes one towards me.

“My apologies,” he holds up his hands in defense. “You’re definitely a young woman.”

I know he’s toying with me as he rubs his hands together in front of him.

“You see, I have a problem,” He tries to tell me, but I have already turned around and and am now walking in the direction away from him. When I hear nothing, I turn around to confront him, but he’s gone – vanished. With a sigh of relief, I spin again to continue out of my way, but I stop and scream, jumping back, startled. He is standing in front of me, his deep blue eyes sinking into my bones.

“You scared the hell out of me!” I exclaim as I push past him – not touching – never touching.

“And you’re not doing what I asked you to!” he counters as he appears at my side again, but I scoff.

“I told you I’m done. I’m not playing any more of your little games. I’m not going anywhere you want me to. I’m not talking to any one you want me to. Leave me out of whatever you have planned.”

He shakes his head tsking at me. “I was really counting on you, Samantha. You had such potential. It’s a shame to see it all wasted.”

“What do you mean?” I start, but I don’t get the chance to finish as he pulls out a knife and immediately plunges it into my chest.

That’s when I wake up.

(C) Brianna S. Vanderland 2015

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